Firstly - well done. This is a much better bulletin and has the air of real authority to it. While I am not sure whether we are reaching our audience (have we identified who they are yet?) you are making it look like a very credible bulletin - and credibility and authority are crucial to respectability.
And so the bulletin itself........
HEADS
The headlines were sharper, although still lack a little bit of punch. Please don't use the phrase "plays host" - it's a cliche and something that we really don't say in English. The golden rule is if it's a phrase we don't usually use in conversation, then don't use it. You can play around with words and make it quirky. Excite the viewer - make them want to watch your bulletin.
Also with the sport headline - use a goal or a good celeb - it was a bit of half and half. We'll discuss the angle of the camera as well. Where you should be is right by the goal, not on the corner flag.
JOB LOSSES
This a much better link, and had real information and set up the piece.
The package itself had some really promising aspects to it: there was a real understanding of shooting sequences, with a good array of pictures. Sam your voice is much better and didn't sound like the end of the world was coming as has happened in previous packages! You could make more use of the clock striking as a piece of NAT SOT, but it was good to hear it under your pictures. You also looked smart - that might sound like obvious but we have to look the part - you will get more respect from those that you are interviewing if you look presentable.
However on the PTC there was a slight mangling of the word "treasurer" - if you make a mistake on a PTC then do it again. There's no excuse for not getting it perfect.
The framing of Ken Thornber is not right - there should be more room on camera left, or move to the other side of the camera to move the interviewees eyeline to the other side, i.e. camera right.
The pan leading into Mel Kendal was a little ugly and he doesn't need a name check into that grab. The framing of the interview was too central as well - remember your rule of thirds. The end was lazy - please don't end with a SOT and an SOQ. I think three of you did that this week. I have told you to avoid that.
What was the pig at the end - how does that relate to the story?
Clearly the big ussue was the closing of the schools - there were no pictures of schools, even exteriors. More needed to be made of the £55m figure - it's a massive amount of money - how much of the whole budget is that. While this is clearly a piece relating to kids, and you have used them to humanise the story, don't forget the facts and putting the story into perspective.
NEWS CROSS
This was a terrific idea and gives the viewer a real up to date feel for this story. It looks like we are really on the ball when we use these tricks. However make sure we don't sacrifice content for style. Make sure we say something. Have the facts about who may be affected, and Julie keep still or you will disappear out of shot! Devices like "we've just learnt..." are great, but don't say "as you can see from the picture" when the picture is not there! The viewer can see the picture, that is good enough and no reference is needed unless it's something specific.
RURAL CRIME
There was a good bridge from the last story to this one. As Cara said, "Thank you Julie and we'll keep you updated on that story as it develops....", followed by a slight pause and the next link, just puts a line under the previous story and kicks off the next one perfectly.
Good link, although we could have had some stats in their to give the story some resonance.
Yet again it's a very well constructed story, although the pictures at the top are not that inspirational. Think of Hampshire and I think of a little more than two static pictures of a lane (however nice) and a distant shot of what I think is some farm buildings. Ruth Harper Adams is a good interviewee and it is covered well with shots - I particularly like the way you have layed her voice under some shots before we see her. This is a very good technique - others take note. It's a subtle and quite sophisticated shot - well done. What is missing is some fly tipping shots etc over what Ruth HA is saying and throughout the whole piece there is only one picture of crime, good though it is. When we've been working on a story for over a week we'd hope to get more pictures.
SENATORS VISIT
The link is ok - it's a bit of a tease, but it sums up the difficulty you found in the story. Two senators were here and there the story ends. What we needed to do is to get them on something conentious. Plug them to get a story out of them. It could be on anything - the Middle East, council cuts, University fees, job losses, the Royal Wedding - anything to get a line that we can hang on them. While it's great to hear them say we've been to Oxford and Cambridge....and Winchester, what is the story?
The fact that you have two cameras on the shoot is good, but where you are taking NAT SOT from the one of the Senators on the tight angle and then you cut to the wide you have take the sound from the wide, which is at the back of the auditorium. Keep using the sound from the tight camera which has better quality and then lay over the wide shot pictures and synch them up.
You too David have done the dreaded SOT-SOQ pay off - please don't do it!
BARTON FARM
This link could have been stronger couldn't it - he has spoken out a little bit more than "strongly" - was it true that he stormed out of the meeting? He is certainly and aggressive, so we need to reflect that.
Overall it's a good piece and we have represented all sides, so that is one box definitely ticked. There is a shortage of pictures on this and we have started this week's piece in the same way as last week's. But the grabs make it - an excellent one from Steve Brine, and an even more impressive one from the Cala Homes interviewee. Succinct, the edit covered in the middle, and perfect length - exactly how it should be. Well done, it is the stand out grab of the bulletin.
There is a problem with the wide shot of the meeting though during your voice over after Brine's first grab - watch the lady in the light jacket on the right and you will see her jump - be careful with your editing.
It's a good PTC at the end. Make sure you get the wording of your SOQ right, and don't lean into the sign - stand up straight! Well scripted and constructed on the whole with most elements covered.
SPORT
I will talk to the sports team directly on Monday.
STUDIO
Well done Justina for the direction - it looked spot on this week. I know the two shot doesn't look right because of our green screen, but it is a good habit to get into to go via the two shot for the handover; it gives a much more natural feeling to everything and gives our presenters character.
PRESENTATION
Cara, another terrific job - you look very comfortable, you have stopped wiggling in your chair, but now you have started moving your hands up down, eventhough they are clasped together. Just have a little look back. It's a small thing but would get annoying to the viewer if you did it too much though.
OVERALL
On a different scale to last week - much improved. Let's continue to work on the editorial side of things, but the quality of interviewee is very good this week. Remember pictures, pictures, pictures - let's have some memorable shots this week.
GRAB OF THE WEEK - Shira's Mike Emett from Cala Homes.
As for the website copy, that we need to discuss.........
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